Winner (part 2), Foot in Mouth Disease
Brittni East, Texas A&M

The culpritThe story I am about to divulge is the story of how a dog can look cute one second, and destroy a date and cost you your dignity in all of about half a second. The story begins like this: I decided to invite this guy over that I had liked for a long time for dinner, he thought my dog was cute so of course when I told him Moose would be there he was in. We had just finished dinner, when Moose ruined my life (Okay that might be a little drastic but it was close). David* and I had just finished dinner and were chatting aimlessly about school and projects etc, when Moose suddenly walks out of the bathroom and straight to David. This is when I notice that there is a string hanging from his mouth. Yes, it is exactly what you are hoping it’s not. David, being the unaware and completely oblivious male that he is, had absolutely NO idea what this string could POSSIBLY be attached to because he held his hands out to Moose’s mouth and said, “Hey Moosey, whatcha got there?” I’m sure you can see where this is going. Moose then drops the USED feminine product he so graciously retrieved from the trash can into my dates hands. The next five seconds happened in slow motion – David, after experiencing the most horrifying moment of his life has thrown the tampon onto the floor and ran outside dry heaving into my grass. Since David had thrown the tampon so quickly, Moose now thinks this is some kind of fun game and grabs it and starts running around the house like a mad-man with me chasing him and screaming, and him with a tampon string hanging out of his mouth looking like the happiest dog in the whole world. Needless to say I never got that second date and my dignity has never made a full recovery.  

**Names have been changed to protect the identiy as well as dignity of the person involved in this series of embarrassing events. I didn’t change Moose’s name, he deserves all the credit for this. Don't let that cute face fool you.

I just couldn't figure out who could have possibly eaten my roommates resume the night before her big interview

Winner, Foot in Mouth Disease
Brittni East, Texas A&M

The Jungle Orchestra

Winner, Creative Corner
Megan Mathews, University of Georgia

Let parrots be parrots

Winner, Op-Ed
Athena Gianopoulos, UC Davis

It makes me uncomfortable to discuss the ethics of owning parrots, and that is exactly why I must start the conversation. I accept my own cognitive dissonance, as I am and have been for many years, a parrot owner. Luckily for me (and my Jenday conure, Moxie), my guilty conscience can rest a little easier because I acquired Moxie from a family who was no longer able to keep her. Still, almost everyday I look at her and think that this is not her place. As much as I attend to her needs, encourage natural behavior, and give her the most liberated captive life possible, it still isn’t good enough.

After spending a week at a macaw sanctuary in Costa Rica and over a month in Australia where there are dozens of native parrot species flying free in their natural habitats, I cannot imagine any captive life equivalent. There is nothing comparable to the wonderfully complex social networks established in a flock environment, or the level of engagement and stimulation that only natural foraging can offer; the freedom and autonomy of being able to choose their playground, their mates, their lives. Some would argue that keeping parrots as pets benefits them by sheltering them from predators and natural threats, and it provides them with an abundance of food. But the reality is that we are doing parrots no favors by keeping them confined to a home. The captive life presents an infinite amount of novel dangers that serve as etiologies for mortalities and illness. Where these parrots have evolved and adapted to in the wild is where they are meant to be.

Thinking of parrots as companion pets is really more of a convenient way to justify their current state of ownership than recognizing what is in their best interest. If we are authentically honest with ourselves, then we must acknowledge two things about ownership of parrots as a companion species; first, that they are wild animals, and secondly, they can (and often will) outlive their owners. These are two unique features of owning parrots that are distinct from owning other small animals, and serve as additional challenges that parrot owners and caretakers must seriously consider before deciding to acquire (hopefully by adopting) a bird.

As wild animals, parrots are inherently inappropriate for a captive companion-animal life. They do not adjust well to being caged, solitary creatures. Birds bred in captivity are only a few generations at most removed from the wild. Their behaviors, instincts, and motivations are still suited for the wild and not as someone’s pet. We can tame parrots to our hearts’ content, but they will never be domesticated animals. As beings that can live up to 80 years, they are a responsibility beyond an individual’s means, no matter how well intentioned a parrot owner may be. It’s not uncommon to see parrots end up in sanctuaries and rescue organizations after being handed off or given away numerous times. This is no way for a parrot to live.

Moreover, we must acknowledge that parrots are exquisitely intelligent creatures. Cognitively speaking, parrots’ numerical and conceptual processing is similar to that of a human toddler. Their abilities are both their blessing and their curse.

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Fish Market- Borneo, Malaysia

Winner, Creative Corner
Chelsea Anderson, Cornell