I Have to Do What?

Alex Sigmund, University of Georgia

Foot In Mouth, Honorable Mention

So I am by no means a “country boy,” but I also would not consider myself a “city boy” either. I’ve camped, hiked, and ridden horses, but I definitely have not dealt with cattle, sheep, and farming…EVER. With this history, I was incredibly ill prepared for a particular experience I would endure during my first year of veterinary school at UGA.

It was spring semester and that blasted anatomy class was finally over. We actually would get to touch live animals and it smelled and felt so…non-formaldehyde-y. With my sinuses clear, I was ready to learn and be “hands-on” with ruminants for the first time. I definitely did not realize just how “hands-on” I would be. But first off, goats are adorable and sheep are much bigger than they look on the movie Babe. Secondly, cows can squat.

I KNOW! Cows. Can. Squat! For you other non-ruminant people out there think of it like a 2000-pound Great Dane defecating - impressive, yet incredibly awkward. However, with a cow they are urinating. Now you may ask, how I discovered this fact in my “hands-on” course. Well let me tell you, it is called “feathering” and it was the weirdest thing I have ever done in my life.

Okay, so “feathering.” It really is quite bizarre, but cattle can be…how shall I say…”stimulated” to urinate. With this complex lesson and technique in neurourological medicine, one can cause a 2000-pound animal to urinate! Unbelievable. How you ask? Not that I want to know what you will do with this information, but…

1. Restrain the cow.
2. Roll up your sleeve.
3. Hold out a flat hand.
4. Place your fingers between the anus and vulva. (What??)
5. Stroke up and down. (Yeah…I know what I said…)
6. Get out of the way.

And if you have the gentle touch, then your cow will squat like a lady and empty one huge bladder. Wear rainboots!

So there you have it. The strangest thing I have ever done and hope to ever do. Thanks to a fantastic classmate of mine you get to share with me in the marvel that is “feathering.” Have…fun?