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Spayed Too Soon

This funny encounter was submitted by Kassandra Schneider from UC Davis. I hope you all enjoy it as much as I did!

It seemed like just another day at the vet clinic as I checked in an elderly woman’s Miniature Pinscher, the woman’s two granddaughters by her side to help. It didn’t take long to find out this owner was going to fall into the “crotchety old lady” category rather than the “sweet old lady” one. Every question I asked was answered with a begrudging retort.

“How’s everything going with Fiona?” I asked.

“Fine. Just fine. I don’t know why the county makes me come in here once a year. It’s a goddamn waste of my time and money.”

Her granddaughters apologized profusely, explained the dog was just here for her annual rabies vaccine, and I continued taking my history. Finally, I asked my last question.

“Do you have any other concerns?”

The gray, wrinkled woman spat back, “No, I’ve already told you - she’s perfectly fine! Except…my landlord made me get her spayed last year. Before she’d ever even had sex! Can you believe that?! Don’t you think that’s cruel?!”

The room burst into laughter as Grandma continued to fume in outrage. I picked up the little Min Pin and turned to leave to get a weight on her in the other room. Almost at the door, I addressed the little dog: “I’m sorry you didn’t get to experience all of life, sweetie!”

Glancing into the exam room as I shut the door, my mind’s eye snapped a photo of the two granddaughters - doubled over laughing, with tears streaming down their faces - and the old woman resentfully mumbling the inhumanities of her poor dog’s virgin, gonad-free life.

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