Relationships

Winner, Life as a Vet Student category
Sharon Ostermann, UC Davis

Dating in vet school is a hot topic! Not so much because it is terribly exciting but rather because vet school seems to be overwhelmingly dominated by heterosexual women which presents a challenge for many people looking to date. Yet, gender and sexual orientation aside, forming new relationships, romantic or otherwise, revolves around the same basic principle – branching out.

Not long ago, I met up with a future vet student and she asked me, “So what’s dating like in vet school?”

Hmmm…

I wasn’t really sure what to say.
Don’t get me wrong, there are people who have started relationships in vet school, both with other vet students as well as with people outside of vet school, but, for the most part, people who came into vet school single remained single for much of first year. But that’s not to say that’s how it has to be. It is possible to date or start a relationship during vet school; it’s just slightly more difficult given time constraints and the demanding curriculum that vet school entails. That is why, in my opinion, having a friend or partner who is aware and understanding of the demands of your course load is imperative, above and beyond any other traits. I also believe that a person who can support you and keep you focused on your work as opposed to constantly distracting you from it is crucial.

Girls may be convinced that they cannot be too picky because there are far too few guys around to choose from or too few opportunities to meet them while in vet school, but that is the wrong mentality to take. While I would prefer to keep my own romantic life out of this, let it suffice to say that I have dated various guys while in vet school. While I am in no way a person who is out at bars and clubs until the wee hours of the morning, I have been able to meet a plethora of guys outside of vet school. Given my experience, I will offer some advice (and I apologize if it seems reminiscent of articles that appear in Cosmo or other girly magazines):

First and foremost – find a hobby! And make it a hobby that is completely unrelated to vet school. If you’re not sure what you’d be interested in, then try out a few things and see what you like the most. Whatever you end up choosing, make sure you stay involved on a regular and consistent basis. You want to be known and recognized as a regular participant as you will become familiar with people who share a similar schedule to you. People will want to know your name, introduce themselves, and get to know you better. Most “regulars” come to know each other quite well while the infrequent participants go unnoticed.

Once you are starting to settle in and make new friends, make plans to do things with some of the people in the group outside of the hobby. This can be on an individual or group basis, but it is important that you move your friendship outside of your hobby, even if it is just for drinks or a bite to eat. Seeing these individuals in a different light can help you learn more about them. Of course, getting to know people in a group setting can be less intimidating (less pressure as it is less date-like), though you can certainly suggest an individual outing to one of your new friends. I personally think that group settings are perfect for getting to know one another better and seeing whether or not there is any romantic interest between you and one of your new friends.

Remember: whether or not something develops between you and one of your new friends is completely up to you. But don’t complain that there are no men or no opportunities to date — sitting at home surrounded by books and your laptop will not get you new friends or dates. So create the opportunities yourself in a positive environment and the absolute worst that can happen is you develop some new friendships and new skills in your hobby of choice. That doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?

Aside from other hobbies, one thing that is easy for students to do when you have a large university at your disposal is to get to know students in other departments. You may manage to do this without even intending to simply by pursuing a hobby! Believe it or not, not every department has the female-to-male student ratio that vet school has. In fact, some of the other departments like mathematics, engineering, and physics have virtually the opposite problem: an overwhelming male majority. Before you write off the guys in these departments for not being the most socially adept individuals (though you may be right in some cases), let’s not generalize! I became friends with guys from all three of those departments at UC Davis and I can say that in addition to being incredibly intelligent, they are all quite “normal” and socially well-adjusted. Imagine that!

So what are you waiting for? Find some friends in these other departments and arrange an interdepartmental social event. Your vet school friends will thank you for providing their lives with a little diversity. And I am sure the folks in the other departments will be amazed and astounded at how intelligent and attractive vet students are. It’s a win-win situation for all, really!
And if that doesn’t work, you can always venture into the world of online dating (though many of you already have).

Fast forwarding down Relationship Road, I will be the first to admit that it is difficult to balance a new relationship or new live-in partner with the studying and other activities that are required in vet school. The first time you test your ability to balance these two priorities one of two things may happen: 1) you do poorly on your test or 2) your partner feels neglected. Both of those outcomes are undesirable. Finding that magic middle ground isn’t always easy, but I’ve learned that having a partner who understands the importance of my education and career goals is key. A supportive partner will give you time to study on your own and even help you study late into the evenings without making you feel like it is a waste of his/her time. In the end, there are few things more satisfying than having a loving partner help and support you during stressful times and leaving that test knowing you aced it!

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