Foot in Mouth Disease

Submitted by Winston Weigand, Washington State University

How a Stick of Butter Saved My Dog-Sitting Career

By Winston Weigand

In the summer of 2019, I was tasked with dog-sitting a couple of American Eskimos owned by some friends of my father’s. The owners were going to be in Hawaii for a week, so the little seal pups needed my close attention and care. On the first night of my duty, around 11 PM, I headed to the house. I was not given a house key, but was instead supposed to use the 4 digit garage door code to get in. Easy enough, right? Wrong.

Upon approaching the garage door, I realized that my phone was not turning on. The phone that had the text containing the code I needed. The phone that I could use to call the owners to get the code. It’s not that it was uncharged, it was just literally not working. I started to panic. The dogs needed me and I needed the dog-sitting money. I went around back to see if any of the doors were left unlocked, but they weren’t. And I knew the alarm system was armed. It was in this moment that I saw my saving grace: The dog door. Being a tactically compact human being, I figured I could fit through it, so I tried. I was so incredibly close to making it through, but just barely couldn’t make it. My solution? A pale yellow substance made by churning cream.

After a quick drive back to my house to grab a stick of butter without awaking my dad, I returned and removed most of my clothing. I slathered butter liberally onto my shoulders and flank. And I slipped seamlessly through the dog door as if it were a Winston door. The pups were happy to see me, the owners never found out, and my arms were only sore for a few days. And that’s how a stick of butter saved my dog-sitting career.