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Wednesday
May092018

Anesthesia Rap

Anesthesia Rotation Rap

by Maxbetter Vizelberg

Tufts Cummings School of Veterinary Medicine

 

Last week of Anesthesia, yo we started from the bottom

Hella cases, Wetmore said get ‘em, so I got ‘em

Scared at first, but Tim cane like Hillary Rodham

Saw Sue the Shih Tzu with pectus excavatum

Also saw v-tach, I call it the kiss of death

Monitored SpO2, we be usin’ Pleth

On-call shifts, man, they’ve been killin’ me

And Goldberg testing me on contractility

Rapping so hard that I think my chest hurts

Forgettin’ to put stickers on medical records

Vet school felony, well maybe it’s a misdemeanor

I’m simply just trying to impress Dr. Becca Reader

Whose big goal is to optimize analgesia

We prefer gas inhalants in lieu of usin’ TIVA

Rounds room is boiling, feelin' like I got a fever

Fake news: Ketamine will always cause a seizure

Gettin’ in my zone, flexin’ on that Trazodone

Screw our president cuz he leaves Alfaxalone (all facts alone)

Alternative truth, we measure CO2 in horses

Wolfensberger et. al., gotta check your sources

Useful child, I’m an able son (Abelson), word to ‘manda

Happy Chanukah and Christmas, shouts out to Santa

Learning about many an induction protocol

But usually you can find me pushin’ Propofol

Wish y'all luck in all of your next rotations

May we all make it to our final destinations

Courtney, good luck with your job, and congratulations!

You’re gonna be a fine vet and help all your patients

Wherever life takes us, wishin’ all y'all the best

But til then, bundle up in your winter vest

Fractious old dog, give the bitch Midazolam

Yo I’m serious (Sirius) like Prisoner of Azkaban

Rounding with y’all, it really has been a thrill

But let me reverse this with some Flumazenil

It’s painful getting grilled on all things medical

Forget a pumpkin patch, I’ll take some Fentanyl

I know this is long, like a church sermon

But hope you have enjoyed it like tutoring Richard Sherman

Heart’s cutting out, I’ve got an arrhythmia

And the cure is petting Mr. Chuck and Zinnia

Namaste friends, that is word to India

Indy Ryder, a 6yo. castrated male Boxer

Presents for a mast cell tumor, oooh what a shocker

Bout to present the rest of the case right now

Like Rihanna, time for me to take a bow


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