My Patient Today by Price Dickson

A humorous poem written by Price Dickson from University of Illinois.

My Patient Today

My patient today tried to bite me

Though these pills will make him feel better

His jaws I must pry, though his teeth make me cry

And my hand looks like it’s been through the shredder

My patient today sunk her claws in

With hissing and urine to spray

She flies off the table, to catch her I’m not able

I’m not getting a TPR today

My patient today knocked me over

With an e-collar straight to the knee

He ran to the door as I fell to the floor

And THAT’s when he started to pee.

My patient today tried to kick me

A thousand pounds of angry hooves

Though he is quite ill

He is ready to kill

I sure hope his condition improves…

My client today called me names

And worse she tried to imply

The bill is too steep and we’re obviously creeps…

Is she trying to make me cry?

My patient today gave me kisses

That cat purred when I walked in the door

The pup ate his food, no clients were rude

Now I remember what I’m doing this for.