Poems of Veterinary School

These three lovely poems were sent to us from Rachael Schulte from the University of Missouri and were winners of our Foot in Mouth submission category. Thank you for sharing with us Rachael!

‘Twas the week before finals

‘Twas the week before finals

And all through the school

The students were studying

(And one moaned like a ghoul)

Thoughts of failure,

Tears, and panic attacks, held at bay

By promises of coffee

And sleep at the end of the day

Lesions were characterized

By shape, size, and texture

While drugs were memorized –

Prophylaxis, treat, or cure

Healthy habits overthrown

In favor of studying just a little more

One last thing, we have to learn

Or maybe three or four

Pile the lectures on

With our learning, we aren’t done

We haven’t yet learned why

Cats purr with their claws in your flesh

Or why dogs chase their own tails

(Maybe it’s like us, reading the text

At three in the morning, even though

We’ll not remember a thing for the test)

We’ve studied nutrition

(But to ourselves not applied)

Pharmacology – now we know

How caffeine keeps us wired

Pathology tells us

Our brains are fried

Business reminds us

We need to sleep at night

Public health reminds

Of terror in our world

Zoonoses and the reverse

Plague, anthrax, and worse

Poor kids, the first years

Are stuck in anatomy labs

Soaked in formalin and tears

Three practicals to go.

The administration tells us

“Mental health is important

That’s why we’ve also

Opened clinic sign ups

Sign up now, don’t miss your chance

To get the electives you want

Make your schedules, two years ahead

Time to apply all the things you’ve read”

Lectures continue – why stop now?

Christmas shopping and gift a’giving

Studying how mastitis presents in a cow

All while yearning for the break, and resting

‘Twas the night after finals

And all through the school

No one was present –

Peace was finally the rule

‘Twas the week before finals
And all through the school
The students were studying
(And one moaned like a ghoul)
Thoughts of failure,
Tears, and panic attacks, held at bay
By promises of coffee
And sleep at the end of the day
Lesions were characterized
By shape, size, and texture
While drugs were memorized –
Prophylaxis, treat, or cure
Healthy habits overthrown
In favor of studying just a little more
One last thing, we have to learn
Or maybe three or four
Pile the lectures on
With our learning, we aren’t done
We haven’t yet learned why
Cats purr with their claws in your flesh
Or why dogs chase their own tails
(Maybe it’s like us, reading the text
At three in the morning, even though
We’ll not remember a thing for the test)
We’ve studied nutrition
(But to ourselves not applied)
Pharmacology – now we know
How caffeine keeps us wired
Pathology tells us
Our brains are fried
Business reminds us
We need to sleep at night
Public health reminds
Of terror in our world
Zoonoses and the reverse
Plague, anthrax, and worse
Poor kids, the first years
Are stuck in anatomy labs
Soaked in formalin and tears
Three practicals to go.
The administration tells us
“Mental health is important
That’s why we’ve also
Opened clinic sign ups
Sign up now, don’t miss your chance
To get the electives you want
Make your schedules, two years ahead
Time to apply all the things you’ve read”
Lectures continue – why stop now?
Christmas shopping and gift a’giving
Studying how mastitis presents in a cow
All while yearning for the break, and resting
‘Twas the night after finals
And all through the school
No one was present –
Peace was finally the rule

Here in the CVM Wilds

Here in the CVM wilds, surrounded by books

Not one person cares a whit for looks

Too busy and distracted with survival

Of the outside world we know not at all

Longing for home and sleep

Long hours in the library, we weep

My brain will take no more

Of diseases and medicines of yore

Anesthetic agents not approved for use –

How long can we endure this abuse?

Vesicles and ulcers, bullae and neoplasm

Too much more, and I may develop a spasm

Anthrax is a bioterrorism agent of the class type III

HEPA filters designed to keep spores from flying free

Outside the building, the sun still will shine

(the sun still shines, doesn’t it?)

But here in the cave, we toe the line

Between sleep deprived and neurotic

Between a little crazy and psychotic

Between failure and passing

To get our degrees, C’s we’re amassing

And for those of us with no self-preservation

Online classes and CE – no reservation!

Discounts for students – we don’t have enough to learn

It’s our education – our place we have to earn!

So between exams and after hours

For study breaks and instead of smelling flowers

Medicine we’re learning – in two years we’re doctors

No more exams, no more proctors

Thinking about it makes me tachycardic –

Use your doctor words – and a little dyspnic

I don’t know enough – how do clinicians know so much?

I think I rely too much on luck...

Don’t panic – there’s time to understand

How on their feet cats always land

Or how to treat a dog with poisonous drugs

To kill the cancer invading his lungs

Give us more – we don’t know enough

And our understanding is no more than rough

Cram some more – write a paper or five

But don’t forget – enjoy your time to thrive

No time like the present to get involved

Leave no stone unturned, no world problem unsolved

In our twenties, we’re supposed to be lost

Travel the world, no matter the cost

So lost we got, here in the CVM wild

Where no exam is mild

Do you wonder why so hard we play

When in a month, we have fun just one day?

Extracurriculars are just as important

As our professor’s Why We Should Vax rant

We take the advice heart – treat yo’self

And don’t leave mental health on the shelf

Every hour it’s task – whether study or break

And sometimes, sleep (though we’re never fully awake)

Classes and exams, meetings and work

Dinners and coffee and researching in Merck

We have one million things filling our minds

But the one thing we just don’t have is time

An ode to Adams

Oh, to sit on my ass

(not to be crass)

For many a long hour,

My mood quickly turns sour.

How boring the talks,

I wish we went on walks.

Instead, inside, I sit on my ass.

Exams in the morning

Lectures through noon, full of warning

Club meetings all evening

Of sleep only am I dreaming

But we have exams come morning

Four years long, a DVM to earn

Four years short, too much to learn

Two years of didactic

It’s always rather frantic

Four years, eight more loans to burn

Vets in the making

(our thirst for knowledge slaking)

Our services undervalued,

Someday each of us will be sued

Compassion fatigue in my future

(For that, there is no surgery nor suture)

Until we make it, we’re faking

Should’a become an MD

Make some good money

Instead I’m spaying

(with kittens all day I’m not playing)

Five species to medicate –

Let’s add a few more, just to be safe

Why didn’t I just get an MD?

I can’t feel my toes

I think the water in my bottle froze

In the library I’m shivering

In class I’m quivering

There’s frostbite on the end of my nose

Back to class, just another day

Maybe next month we’ll have time to play

For now, we’re on our asses

Sitting through another round of classes

I only need to get through today