'A Turd Treatise' by Pickles da Goat

Honorable Mention, Foot in Mouth Disease
David Kim, UC Davis

Deep in a forest, where life was simple and free

A young monk sat, meditating under a tree

To an audience of gathered birds and bunnies

He asked with a tranquil smile, why is poop so funny?

 

As life is ever changing,

So too does a doody’s shape.

There’s cow pies, pellets, and pudding

Footlong logs, leaving mouths agape!

 

Or what of its colors of various hues

Drink some Hypnotiq and watch it turn blue

Sterco stains brown, c-phyll creates green

Add crack in your diet to give it some sheen!

 

And let’s not forget its wondrous smells

Eat and digest; soon, a surprise scent will dispel

Over 31 flavors from rankly rancid to sickly sweet

Baskin Robbins? Pshaw, them feces have you beat

 

Praises we sing of this divine inspiration

O humorous gods, how great is your creation

And that is why, my dear animal brethren

That to talk of turd is to speak of heaven!