Entry, Foot in Mouth
Hannah Facey, Cornell

Everyone knows that when a cow begins to cough and poop at the same time, you should at least back up to avoid the projectile splatter. In one of my attempts to avoid this awful fate, I stepped on a ho and the other end came up and whacked me straight in the forehead. The farmer and his son nearly died of laughter as a purple golf ball sized swelling appeared on my head.